I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
