ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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