TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
