I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
