why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
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I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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