last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
