playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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