Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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