Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
