booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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