So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
