Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Randomize
