true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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