When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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