New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
