My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
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Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
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Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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