is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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