Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
