I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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