WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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