having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
