when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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