Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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