I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
