Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
