i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
