video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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