billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
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we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
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I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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