she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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