You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
