He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
