my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
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No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
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My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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