I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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