i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
