I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
