Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god was she eating orange peels again
ttyl tear gas
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Randomize