we have pet lesbian snakes
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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