We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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