Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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