if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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