Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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