absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
