i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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