he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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