WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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