My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
