he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
