I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
