Grow some girl-balls and come out already
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
