ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
