I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
