Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The air was thick with penises
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
