i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
