I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
