just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
