he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Congratulations! We have a period
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
