call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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