tell your sister to shave her snatch
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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