It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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