nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
