i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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