I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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