Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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