so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
