I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
