ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
