I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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