im having a threesome with these popsicles
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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