so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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