if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
