just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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