Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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