Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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