we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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