At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
