did you get engaged???
You work out of a Hotel?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Randomize
