genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
