I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
