I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you would pick up someone in the library
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Randomize
