I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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